apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
