Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
