You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
