hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize