Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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