you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
