Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
