that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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