is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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