Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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