i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
