Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
