The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
