Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
