My nipple is on Facebook.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am one with the molecules
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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