Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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