Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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