if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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