Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
