the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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