I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
