Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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