Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
