i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
