Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
