I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
