she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
