be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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