Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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