Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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