My hand turned me down
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
