I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
