Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
