He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When are your genitals available?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
