The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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