Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
