So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
