So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
