Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
