I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
