My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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