Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize