I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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