I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
