I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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