Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
