what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love having hate sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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