i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
