I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
