I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
