I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
