Don't make out with my wife yet
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
