party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
