Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize