Your mouth is God's brothel.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize