Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
