I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
