im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
