no, he came in my armpit
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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