So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
