get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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