He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
