Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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