Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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