I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
