just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
