Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
