Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
