My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Randomize
