There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
