We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think a kid would responsible me up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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