I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize