Ambien. No doubt about it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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