Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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