You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
