at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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