Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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