I CAN MOONWALK!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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