I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
