No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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