So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
