I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
