You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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