I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
