I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
