He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
