I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All the doctor said was why
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
