Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
