We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish I only lived at night.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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