Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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