so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
