Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
